Making Friends

Over the past seven years I have moved countries three times, and with those moves there were places I didn’t know anyone or wasn’t able to see people. These experiences have been exciting and full of adventure, but at times, very lonely. Making friends and feeling lonely, have become core themes in my life, and I often think about three key periods where these themes have been central to me and I spent a lot of time trying to manage them.

Part 1: Alone in Bangkok

In 2017 I moved to Bangkok, Thailand, on my own and without a care in the world. I was so excited to make the move after dreaming for so long about what life would look like being there. Immediately my senses tingled with the feeling of heat and so many new sights that surrounded me, but as time went on, I realized that without knowing people, I would have to be prepared to spend quite a lot of time on my own and put a big effort into forging new friendships.

I thought this would be fine, I’m an only child after all, I’m used to entertaining myself, but this was different this felt like I was absorbed by something heavier, the loneliness weighed on my chest, and would sometimes take me days to feel relief from. With time I did form friendships and connections, but it was the first time that I really experienced this kind of all consuming loneliness.

Part 2: A Return Home

When the pandemic was declared in March of 2020 I took refuge in my birth country of Australia. I hadn’t lived there for 17 years, and in the whirlwind of chaos and confusion brought on by the pandemic I landed in a pit of depression and terrible anxiety for the first six months. Part of this was due the restrictions with seeing people, I felt new depths of loneliness coupled with isolation regularly.

To self soothe, I spent a lot of time drawing, painting and crafting and at some point I started to sketch out these little characters as a way to express, give character to and look at my emotions. I decided to sculpt them and bring them to life, and as I sat there with my crafting clay and tiny tools, I chuckled that I was literally making friends :).

Part 3: NYC and the Evolution of Loneliness

Post pandemic (sort of), I moved to New York for work, and by now felt that loneliness had nearly become a familiar companion. I had strategies for meeting people, following up, hanging out, but sometimes my attempts felt so feeble and the loneliness only grew. I thought that it was funny that you could be in a such a big city surrounded by people and still be as anonymous as if you were in the desert.

I’ve been in New York for two years now, and I can say I’ve made friends (not little sculptures but actual people :). ) and I hope to continue to. I know loneliness is something that we all experience and it can be so heavy when we do. For me, I now know when it comes it will also pass, and in giving things time, I will meet people and make friends.

Thank you for letting me share this with you my friendly friend. It’s not always easy to share on things that are really from the heart.

xx jda

P.S. Don’t forget that I love you 😘 .